In order to COS (Close of Service) in September, each PCV has to complete a myriad of forms, medical appointments, and paperwork for our host organizations and for Peace Corps. We have so much to figure out here in country, and at home to prepare us for the transition into the next chapter of our lives. These extremely time consuming, tangible requirements aren't even the hardest part of COSing. The emotions are.
For a few months now, any time someone brings up my leaving here, I get teary and try to change the subject. As the time keeps getting closer, it's becoming extremely hard to stave off the overwhelming sadness I feel when I think about leaving the Philippines and the people I love here.
But then I try to think about what is awaiting me in the U.S. to lift my spirits. It works for a time.
I hate knowing I'm probably just going to have to wonder how my favorite Filipino kids are doing. If they're still in school, if they have enough to eat, if they're happy. I wish I could do more for them. I wish I could adopt them and bring them to the States to have more opportunities and a better life, free from the restrictions of poverty and third world challenges.
I really haven't talked about this with anyone in depth, but I'm also struggling with the usefulness of my chosen career path. As much as I loved art and art education--and would again if/when I pick it back up in the States--I can't help but think I'm obligated to do something more for the betterment of the world's underprivileged. With an opportunity like I've had over the last two years, to see what kind of need there is in the world, I feel a strong desire and need to do what I can to help those who can't help themselves. I've come to believe that if you're in a position to help, it's certainly an obligation to do so. I don't know if teaching art is the best way to do that. The problem is, I don't know what is the best way...
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